Sensitivity is a survival trait that lets you be more observant, see the real nature of things and people, and act accordingly

“It has always been a mystery to me, how men can feel themselves honored by the humiliation of their fellow beings” - M K Gandhi

Many of us observe the deteriorated state of today’s society - Rising costs of living, corruption, abuse of power, youngsters harming their precious health with colas & noodles. Cutting-edge technology and scientific advancement have made lives comfortable and better for most of us. But, it has also led to lifestyle diseases such as obesity, hypertension, and heart attacks. 

All of this is making a mark on our behavioral and emotional evolution. But, are we really sensitive towards this?

A Disconnected & De-sensitized Society

Anyone in the world is just a call away. The more there are tools to communicate, the less authentic communication there is. People are less aware of their own and others’ feelings. We have turned into hyperactive, consumerist zombies. There is just no time to pause, get in touch with our feelings and reflect.

Increasing desensitization has led to an alienated and lonely world, where there is more depression and fewer people to have a meaningful relationship with. People are finding it difficult to identify and address their own woes. Everybody says “I am fine” and then they go drink themselves silly, watch endless hours of television, pop unnecessary pills, and in worst cases, some miserable ones jump off the window.

Amongst life’s many mysteries, I often wonder, why do we give much less importance to ‘common sense’ than it deserves?

The two basic and utmost necessary behavioral traits in humans are Sense and Sensitivity. They define the essence of our mental and spiritual health. 

During my years of work with adults and children, men and women, the sorted and the disadvantaged, I have found each person struggling with their own sensibility and sensitivity, as well as those of others whom they have to deal with. I believe that all human problems - economic, emotional, relationships issues, societal, etc. can be traced to a lack of sense or sensitivity. I think therefore I am called Descartes. 

Why Sensibility Matters

Our thinking or sense of discrimination, which I call sensibility, is what distinguishes us from the animal world. Yet most of us have a severe deficit in our thinking. When we have defective sight, we need corrective glasses so we do not see a distorted world.  Can you imagine the problems it would create if all the people in the world who needed glasses were not aware of their problem? 

Dr. David Burns, in his book, Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy highlights 10 distorted thinking patterns that work against a healthy outlook on life. Yet few of us are aware of our own distortions or have taken steps to correct them. How then do we function with our lopsided ideas in an already topsy-turvy world?

Why Sensitivity Matters

Sensitivity simply means being humane, kind, empathic, compassionate, and emotionally available. We need to be sensitive to connect, understand, reach out and help the people around us. Also, similar to sense, sensitivity is a trait that distinguishes us from the animal kingdom. A lion will hunt and devour its prey, he will not have an après vous tendency towards pride, but we humans can do that.

Is this relevant in today’s times? Yes, more so. Because people are busier and their needs have multiplied. They are richer in material resources but poorer in the internal resources of mind and strength of character. Values have eroded and generally speaking the packaging has improved, but the contents have deteriorated. Relations have become merely transactional.

Do only the disadvantaged need sensitivity? Are we being considerate only to the old and weary, the children and women, the destitute and the disadvantaged…or even to the robust and the sexy? Why do we get so edgy and competitive with people who appear happy and self-sufficient?  If they have worked hard to put their best foot forward, don't they deserve to be treated kindly too?

Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person gives few research-based facts about Sensitivity:

“15 to 20% of people are highly sensitive”

• Sensitivity is innate in them

• It reflects a survival strategy - of being observant and acting

• Their brains are differently wired - they are more aware of subtleties

• They easily get overwhelmed as they notice a lot more

• They easily get overstimulated, when things are too intense, complex, chaotic, or new. 

Sensitivity is valued differently by different cultures  

“My biggest weakness is I am too sensitive” ~ says Mike Tyson, who seems to be the epitome of strength. Sensitive people can also be emotionally fragile and hurt easily.  It is not a trait that is seen as desirable by a society that applauds thick-skinned individuals.

A flower is sensitive; a butterfly is delicate - as God ordained them to be. Their fragility is their essential nature. So it is for some of us. No amount of counseling or fortifying will make us otherwise. Even the core of the Earth is molten, so how can our inner core be hard? It is against nature. Let us embrace sensitivity and re-connect with our original nature.

Can You Be More Sensitive?

The ability to be sensitive depends on your own sense of containment. When you plug into your inner divinity, you’d see your own reflection in others. Hence, you’d be able to treat them nicely.

In counseling and psychotherapy I find when people have emotional problems unless they go through a period of sensitivity and arrive at clarity, they do not learn and change much. We seem to be running all the time, towards imaginary goals and roles, rat race or race to enlightenment, what we are shedding instead of the ego, is the hallmark and essence of mental health and spirituality, sense, and sensitivity.

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About Author: Rajni Agarwal is a Psychotherapist & Mental Health Consultant. She has 20+ years of counseling experience with kids and adults. She practices non-directive, person-centered, psychoanalytic, holistic therapy.

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